I Want to be Like Gordon Hensley

In a strange way, I'm a fan of the way recalled Los Osos CSD Director, Gordon Hensley, goes about his business.

He IS the "group." He IS the "organization."

It's smart, albeit sneaky.

Let's take the local environmental "group," San Luis Obispo Coastkeeper, for example.

On the front page of that "organization's" web site, it reads, "... the homepage for Environment in the Public Interest and the San Luis Obispo COASTKEEPER®."

However, if you click on the "About Us" page, you quickly realize that SLO Coastkeeper is Gordon Hensley. Hensley is the SLO Coastkeeper. It's just him. (Also notice how that web site says things like, "About Us," and, "Contact Us," and, "Our motivation"... huh? What's with the "us" and "our?" Shouldn't that be "me" and "my?")

Then there's his citizen's group, Taxpayers Watch, that was "formed" by the recalled Los Osos CSD Directors in early 2006, almost immediately after they were recalled from office.

One of those Directors, Stan Gustafson, moved out of the state long ago (a very wise decision), the other Director, Richard LeGros, recently stated, publicly, that he is not technically a "member" of Taxpayers Watch, just a very, very vocal "supporter."

And that leaves Gordon Hensley as the only remaining recalled CSD Director whose name shows up on official Taxpayers Watch documents.

It's just him, from the original three.

He IS SLO Coastkeeper. He IS Taxpayers Watch.

(In full disclosure, there could be, kinda-sorta, maybe, a couple -- a couple -- of other LO citizens that sometimes might casually refer to themselves as Taxpayers Watch "members," in a hazy, dwindling, "we're not recalled CSD Directors," sort of way, so, I'm just going to round it off: Gordon Hensley IS Taxpayers Watch. It's just him.)

Here's where it gets interesting(er). Every now and then, Hensley likes to take his one-man "organizations" out for a spin, where he pretends that they're real "organizations" (you know, like, staffed with real people), and then he runs around influencing official things with them, including laws.

For example, in the "bill analysis" for AB 2701, the legislation that handed SLO County officials the reins for the Los Osos sewer project, that Hensley controlled, in-part, before he was recalled, it reads:

"SUPPORT:

- Local Agency Formation Commission Serving San Luis Obispo County
- Regional Council of Rural Counties
- San Luis Obispo Coastkeeper
- San Luis Obispo County Board of Supervisors
- San Luis Obispo County Employees' Association
- Sierra Club
- Taxpayers Watch"

- - -

I'm so impressed.

Two of the seven "groups" that officially supported AB 2701 are actually just one person -- recalled Los Osos CSD Director, Gordon Hensley.

I so want to do that -- just make up some "organizations," like:

"Americans for Democracy"

"Mothers for Children"

"Citizens for Responsible Government Spending"

"LawWatch"

And all of those "groups" would just be me.

Then, like Hensley, I could just run around with all of my one-man organizations, and create and support laws that fit my agenda.

PRESS RELEASE:

SACRAMENTO, CA: Multiple respected organizations have thrown their support behind the creation of a "Fairness for Left Handers" law. (Note: SewerWatch is left handed.)

The organizations, Americans for Democracy, Mothers for Children, Citizens for Responsible Government Spending, and LawWatch all support the creation of such legislation.

"The time has come to change our unconstitutional 'Rights Only' policies," said SewerWatch, spokesperson for Americans for Democracy. "It is time for our oppressed, left handed, fellow Americans to get the same democratic freedom and respect that is afforded to right handed people."

"Americans for Democracy is proud to join with our esteemed, and brave, colleagues at Citizens for Responsible Government Spending, Mothers for Children, and LawWatch in demanding equal treatment for our strong, American, left handed brothers and sisters. America. Democracy. Brave. Freedom. Move forward. Liberty... uh, did I mention America?," SewerWatch said.

[###]

And then, I'd make sure that, buried deep in all the "blah, blah, blah" part of my "Fairness for Left Handers" law, would be this:

In the event that the name of a day of the week ends in the letter "y," left handers will receive federally-funded malted beverages. (Which was pretty much my only agenda to begin with.)

And, when it comes to the part of the law that says, "Supported by"

It'll read:

SUPPORT:

- Americans for Democracy
- Mothers for Children
- Citizens for Responsible Government Spending
- LawWatch

(Aw, what the heck, I'd make up another "group" just for this law)

- The Lefty Rights Alliance

Of course my legislation would become law!

Who in their right mind would want to take on all of those seemingly distinguished "organizations," representing all of those "oppressed" people?

And, in the unlikely event that a lawmaker, like local Assemblyman, Sam Blakeslee (author of AB 2701) caught on to my little game (unlike Hensley's), I could go to the, "Blakeslee Opposes Mothers for Children!" card.

And, boom, I'd get free beer, and, oh yea, probably some other "liberties," or whatever.

(You know, now that I think about it, it does kind of bug me when I see those full sets of golf clubs advertised for $99*, and the "*", in tiny print, is: "right handed only." I'd make sure my law fixed that kind of stuff, while I was getting my free beer.)

Hensley also uses his one-man groups to influence more than laws. He uses them to influence communities, like Los Osos, the same community that recalled him from office three years ago (something he obviously hasn't forgotten).

For example, this Saturday, September 13, less than two months from the next Los Osos Community Services District Board election, the "citizens group," Water Health 2 Outreach (WH2O), will hold a "free" event at the South Bay Community Center in Los Osos, titled, "Activating water conservation through self-education."

Awww. How nice.

However, according to the WH2O web site, wateroutreach.org, WH2O is "the education and outreach arm of the San Luis Obispo Coastkeeper."

It also lists the sole "sponsor" of the event as "San Luis Obispo Coastkeeper" (you guessed it... a.k.a: Gordon Hensley)

According to wateroutreach.org, the "Founder and Co-Chair" of WH2O is current Los Osos CSD Director candidate, Maria Kelly.

I recently e-mailed Kelly these questions:

- - -

Considering your group is the "education and outreach arm of the San Luis Obispo Coastkeeper," and Gordon Hensley is THE San Luis Obispo Coastkeeper, does that mean Hensley is "the boss" (for lack of a better phrase) of WH2O?

On your web site, it says (the event this Saturday is): "Sponsored by San Luis Obispo Coastkeeper" -- and that's it.

Does that mean that Gordon Hensley is the sole sponsor of that event on Saturday?

- - -

Kelly, a candidate for the LOCSD Board this November, has yet to respond.

I guess any future legislation involving Los Osos will now have these "groups" chiming in:

- San Luis Obispo Coastkeeper
- Taxpayers Watch
- Water Health 2 Outreach

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[Addendum (9/12/08): I thought of another excellent point.

If you go back and look at the "About Us" page for SLO Coastkeeper, you'll see a fairly detailed resumé on Hensley -- where he got his degree, who he's "certified" by, which agencies he's served on -- but what's noticeably missing from his background is the fact that he held a seat on the Los Osos CSD Board of Directors for seven years, before being recalled in 2005.

During that time, he helped develop an unpopular, mid-town "sewer park," that was to be built on "Environmentally Sensitive Habitat Area," when there are several other cheaper, non-ESHA locations available outside of town, according to recent county documents.

In fact, that's why he was recalled from office, along with Gustafson and LeGros, for mangling the project from 1998 to 2005.

The legislation Hensley supported, twice, with his two, one-man "organizations," after he was recalled -- AB 2701 -- dealt with one thing, and one thing only: The Los Osos sewer project.

So, there he was, in 2006, supporting AB 2701 as San Luis Obispo Coastkeeper, yet, apparently not telling a soul that SLO Coastkeeper is the same guy that mangled the Los Osos sewer project over a seven year span.

Furthermore, he was also a member of the Solution Group in 1998 (a fact also missing from his Coastkeeper resumé), along with Gustafson, and Pandora Nash-Karner. All three were elected to the initial LOCSD Board later that year, along with like-minded, Sylvia Smith.

According to the WH2O web site, Sylvia Smith is their "Treasurer."]